Your body, your choice. Make the right when confronted by a potential attacker.
There are instances when empowerment can only be achieved by those willing to accept their lack of power.
See, for example, what happens in self-defense. When women choose to learn it, they’re encouraged to accept their limitations. Right at the beginning, their instructors would often tell them of the statistical probability that, if ever they do get attacked, it’ll likely come from a man who they will likely be unable to beat in a straight up fight. And while this can be discouraging, to move past it is when growth begins.
From here, they can start to learn a myriad of techniques meant to circumvent their physical disadvantages against stronger aggressors; moves designed to increase their capacity to repel and escape an attack. And upon learning of such techniques, they become more capable. Some even become more confident and more disciplined. Regardless, all who learn get empowered. And considering what is going on in the world, this is something that women need.
According to the World Health Organization, one in three women all over the globe have been subjected to either physical and/or sexual violence in their lifetime. The organization adds that nearly one-third of women aged 15 to 49 who have been in a relationship have reported that they experienced violence from their intimate partner. And such experiences have affected their physical, mental, sexual and reproductive health.
To this day, the organization believes that violence against women remains to be a major public health problem. And, the situation in various parts of the world is not indicative of widespread improvements anytime soon.
In the United States alone, misogyny—one of the many causes of violence against women—remains rampant especially since women’s reproductive rights became one of the divisive issues of the 2024 elections. When Donald Trump won against Kamala Harris—a woman of color supportive of equal rights—the internet got flooded with seemingly emboldened sexism. Among the common expressions were the various comments telling women to “get back in the kitchen.” But the arguably more notorious output came from conservative pundit Nick Fuentes. “Your body, our choice;” he bragged. It was a play on “my body, my choice” which was often used as a battle cry by women wishing to assert authority over their own reproductive rights. When Fuentes posted this, it immediately went viral and found its way to the private messages and comments sections of women bemoaning the results.
But regardless of how one feels about such a comment, Fuentes was—to a certain extent—correct. We do live in a time when men do make choices that affect women’s bodies. In spite of the conservative narrative that women are to blame for sexual abuse because of where they go, what they wear and how they behave, their attackers are the ones who stalk them, harass them online or offline and, in some cases, lay a hand on them without their consent. It is at this point when women need to make choices of their own. And there are many effective ones for those who know the basics of self-defense.
Trust Your Instincts
To trust one’s instincts is to tap into a basic and effective tool of self-preservation and there is a popular story that attests to this.
Once upon a time, there was a girl in Utah who went on a date with a man. On the table, she got an ominous feeling from him. Retellings of this story don’t pinpoint exactly what it was about him that had her feeling unsettled but they do say that she was worried enough to excuse herself from her date. She then went to a pay phone, called her brother and asked him to pick her up immediately. She stayed in the bathroom while waiting for him. When he arrived, she immediately left the restaurant.
Apparently, the man she was on a date with was Ted Bundy, the notorious serial killer in the early to mid 70s who admitted to 30 murders before he was executed in 1989. And now, her story is being used by self defense specialists to explain why people should follow their instincts.
According to Gemma Sheehan, the founder of Girls Who Fight, many women who were attacked say they had a bad feeling beforehand but ignored it. “That gut feeling that something isn’t right is the most important warning sign that you are not safe,” she said. “Instincts work faster than intellect when it comes to your safety and require no further validation. Always listen to your gut feeling about a person, place or situation.”
And if it’s telling you to distance yourself, do it—regardless of how rude you may come across to other people.
“Your instincts get two things right,” said author Gavin De Becker. “They are always based on something and they always have your best interest at heart.”
Don’t Be An Easy Target
“Avoiding danger is always much better than fighting.”
This at least was the pronouncement of Karl De Mesa, a martial arts expert who wrote a self-defense piece for Thus, an online culture publication based in the Philippines. In his piece, De Mesa gave suggestions on how women can avoid physical altercations and they were divided into four items: threat recognition, situational awareness, body language and distance management.
“Just being aware of the people around you and how far they are will save you grief,” he advised “This also deters potential criminals who are, remember, looking for signs of victims, of easy prey: distracted, vulnerable, and appears unwilling to fight back.”
Sheehan supports this by stressing the importance of body language. According to her, that is one of the key signals which explicate a person’s willingness to fight back. “Studies show that predators judge vulnerability by observing how people walk,” she said. “Someone who walks confidently with their shoulders back and head up and moves swiftly with purpose is perceived to be likely and capable of standing up for themselves.”
But they shouldn’t just do it for show though. A head held up, according to Sheehan, should actually be used to properly keep track of one’s surroundings.
“Awareness is as simple as it is powerful,” she said. “It deters criminals, lets you detect threats ahead of time and gives your intuition the information it needs to protect you.”
Make A Scene (And Direct It)
Attacks happen because of attackers.
History shows that women—regardless of how they dress and present themselves—can still get assaulted both in private and in public settings which is why it is important for women to do what they can to proactively deter any event that may seem like an incoming attack.
For De Mesa, the strategy has two faces: escalate or deescalate. Essentially, this all boils down to setting one’s boundaries primarily through verbalization and action.
“As much as there’s a lot to be said about knowing fighting techniques, learning how to be assertive is a much bigger asset,” De Mesa wrote in his Thus article. “This means putting up boundaries and talking your way out of potential danger.”
De Mesa suggested these statements as possible deterrents: “I want you to stay there and not get any closer.” “You don’t even know me, why are you touching me?” This, he said, are good lines to consider using.
This is supported by his source, Beverly Aisha Roach, a security consultant.
“I like the analogy of boundary setting being an internal compass with two points on it: Yes and No,” she told Thus. “If it’s yes, then it’s easy. Maybe I do want to engage with this person. If it’s on ‘no’ then prepare yourself for the response of a ‘no.’ They might have an aggressive response to your boundary setting. They may deny it; they may call you crazy. But—and this is the important part—they won’t be touching your leg anymore.”
“The concept to remember with escalation or de-escalation is that the key to safety isn’t ‘winning,’ but survival,” De Mesa wrote. “Worried that your feelings will be hurt? Pride or shame do not figure in the outcome of being alive to tell the tale.”
This shouldn’t just be reserved for strangers, though. De Mesa stated that since women also have a high chance of being attacked by people familiar to them, they must also be willing to set their boundaries even for loved ones, relatives and acquaintances.
“Since it’s hard to overcome years of social learning it’s important to learn exactly what you want to say and rehearse it,” De Mesa wrote. “Visualize the scenario and say it out loud.”
Fight and Flight
When women learn self defense, they are often reminded of what their weaknesses are. They’re often told that they’d likely be smaller than their attackers and that they’d likely be weaker than them. But they must also realize that, sometimes, their disadvantages may be turned into advantages.
According to De Mesa, women being lighter than men may serve as an advantage if they hone that trait. Meaning? They must be capable of running and being fast at it.
This is why he recommends women to take the time to develop their cardiovascular fitness.
“Running has many advantages since it works for all body types,” he said. He added that it is easily remembered under stress, and it requires very minimal practice.
It does, however, require training which is why it is recommended for women to at least try to have running included in their fitness regimen. For beginners, they can start by running for 10 to 30 seconds then walking for one to two minutes and repeating it throughout the duration of their run. After several tries, they can then raise the difficulty level of their training by running for a minute to five and walking for, again one to two, and repeating throughout the duration of the run. According to the New York Times, experienced runners can normally run for six to eight minutes before walking for 30 seconds to a minute. This is something women can hope to achieve.
“You must be fit enough to run at a constant speed for at least one or two minutes,” De Mesa said. “Often, a guy’s bigger muscle mass can be turned against him by a much more developed swiftness and cardio.”
But, of course, to be able to take advantage of this capacity, sometimes, women will have to first break free of their attackers. This is why learning self defense techniques is a must.
Self defense classes often teach women how to maneuver their bodies in order to create a safe distance between them and their attackers. There are some that are helpful in contributing to a woman’s overall fitness and some that actually teach women disciplines in fighting. But some experts have expressed reservations.
Dr. Mark Philips, an expert in combat and security, is among them. In Fight Science, he talked about how some women’s self defense classes “don’t quite cut it.”
“I won’t say they’re useless,” he said, “but women need to train with men if they’re going to defend themselves.” He justified this by stating that the force and pressure of a man’s attack may feel different from the force and pressure normally dished out by women. And those who want to learn genuine self defense must be prepared for the former.
Additionally, he also thinks that aside from learning disciplines that teach women how to punch or kick, they should also prioritize learning how to grapple to deal with attackers who ambush them, get deep into their personal space and go way past their ideal striking distance.
“If you’re teaching a woman how to defend herself,” he said, “are you going to teach her how to box? Is it going to be a stand up fight? That’s a valid way to train but you still need to be able to deal with what are you going to do when someone picks you up and dumps you on the floor and starts punching you in the face and then climbs on top of you. That’s the most essential thing for a woman to learn to deal with.”
In choosing where to learn, De Mesa suggested a place that has a live sparring component.
“Whether it’s a combat sport like Muay Thai, MMA, wrestling, or a real world system that includes weapons like Krav Maga, combat sambo, or kali, you will be able to feel the stress and adrenaline simulated in the safest environment possible,” he wrote. “Hand to hand combat, after all, is war writ small and personal.”
It will also be hard, he said. And one has the choice to not engage in it. The other option, of course, is to push through, be confronted by one’s weaknesses and set one’s body up to adjust, learn and, ultimately, be empowered.
